she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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