I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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