I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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