Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
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