It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
