i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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