Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
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