is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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