tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
