Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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