The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
