conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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