I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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