2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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