thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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