Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
