John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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