Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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