Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
