He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
