I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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