I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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