He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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