There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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