I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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