what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
