I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Never joke about your clitoris.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
