you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
