So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I think my vagina is haunted
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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