Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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