I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
