Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
