that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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