So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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