I wish I could punch you in the face.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
