i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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