Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
