Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
