This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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