I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
