I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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