I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Randomize
