I cannot find my penis.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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