I think i sorta joined a cult last night
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
