They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Randomize
