how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Randomize
