i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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