I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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