It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
