Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I am one with the molecules
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Randomize
